As Promised… Jamieson Wolf

And just in time, as my space bar has decided to only work part time. Now I need to smash it to get it to work, and have broken a nail.

The trials of being a writer, I tell you!

Without further ado, or spaces….

Giving Me the World

I used to be terrified to date. I was worried that men would judge me unworthy of their attention when I should have judged them unworthy of mine. My self-worth was so low that I equated sex with love.
Dating was made more difficult when I was stricken with Multiple Sclerosis on New Years Eve 2012. Now men not only judged my looks, they were afraid of me or they belittled me. When I was still walking with my cane, I had one man wave his hand at it saying “What’s that?”
I looked at my cane and then at him and said “It’s my cane.”
He rolled his eyes and said “Yes, but what are you doing with it?”
I remember my mouth opening up wide in wonder. When I closed it I replied: “I need it to walk.”
He scoffed. “Well, it must be nice being half a man.”
Needless to say, the date didn’t go well.
I had another man call me broken, still another who asked me why I persisted in pretending I had some disease when I could be whole and healthy if I chose to. I had one ask me how I could be so happy when I was so sick.
“Because I choose to be.” I told him.
After a string of horrible dates, I had given up on men. My dating life hadn’t been too great to start with, now it was the shits. However, just when I had given up, I met Michael.
He was an entirely different kind of man. He didn’t judge me, didn’t reprimand or make fun of me. Instead, he supported me and loved me completely.
It took a little while for me to trust him and not to run away. I wanted to run at first because he wasn’t treating me terribly. I know that sounds horrible, but anyone that has been in an abusive relationship will understand.
When Michael told me that he loved me the first time, it was as if a sun went off inside of me, filling all of me with a vibrant light. I remember standing there for a few seconds before saying “I love you too.” And the light increased.
Almost two years later, that love has grown and the light continues to grow, chasing away the shadows. We’ve travelled to different parts of the world, but more than that, Michael has helped me to travel to different parts of myself and helped me to engage with life again.
He really has given me the world and so I wrote this poem for him. Love you Michael.
You Have Given Me The World

From the moment
that we met,
my life has
been filled with
light. As our
love has continued
to grow, I’ve
changed. Now, instead
of hiding and
hoping for a
better life, I’m
living it. Instead
of wishing for
magic, I’m creating
it. Instead of
shying away from
all of life’s
pleasures, I’m embracing
them. Rather than
shy away from
anything, I’m meeting
things head on
unafraid of what
will happen. Instead
of waiting for
life to happen
to me, I’m making
my life happen.
Rather than try
to change me
into something that
you wanted me
to be, you
accepted me as
I was, as I
am, embracing all
of me and
all that I
could be. You
believe in me
even when my
belief in myself
flags or wavers.
You love even
the parts of
me that I
didn’t love and
now I see
myself in a
different light, through
a different lens.
You have changed
my life into
something so wonderful.
You have also
turned the world
from a mystery
waiting to be
solved into something
waiting to be
discovered. You’ve shown
me what true
love really is
and I’m a
better man because
of you. You’ve
given me the
world and I’m
eternally grateful for
your light. You
have given me
the world and
I can’t wait
to discover it
with you.”

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